I Want to Give Up

Credit: Europeana

Your sight isn't playing tricks, 

I really do want to. 

But then, 

I remember the way my sister’s smile dropped,

Fading into nothing, 

A thin line left in its place, 

When Mama said she had nothing to give her.

And then,

I think about my siblings’ whispers

As we stare through the windows, 

Watching for Papa’s slight hunch, 

His restless twitch, 

The silent signs of a bad day.

They’re always there. 

Still then, 

The memory of Mama’s cries, 

Hiding beneath her half-smile, haunts me.

No matter how much she masks it,

Her sunken eyes, 

Her fading voice, 

Tell stories louder than words.

So then, I'm reminded—

Of the days I had to pretend I understood 

That Mama passing through the back door

As the landlord strolled in

Was just coincidence. 

That the heated whispers

Leaking through thin walls

Were a love language, 

Not a cry over unpaid fees.

That staying home, away from school

Was our family tradition, 

Not fear of being sent back.

I want to give up. 

But I can’t.

You see?

I just . . . can’t.